I try to find clarity in this constantly changing world.
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Layout: vehemency
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OH MAN.
*mini panic attack*
Just kidding. I accept my age [for now]... and i'm gloriously happy.
All the comments and posts i've received on facebook and the texts and calls have left me feeling humbled by the fact that people remember and actually take the time to type out a quick wish to me... Just kind of overwhelming, in a good way! =')
And also a special shoutout to several people.. y'all know who you are..
`She's the perfect romantic BFFF..and has helped me realize what it means to be a good toaster. =) ILY!!
`He's 'validated my existence' and kept me company through messages..not to mention making me smile at the oddest times.
`She's going to meet me on Monday and it's gonna be awesome simply cuz we're BFFFs. and that says it all. =))
`He's kept me in mind...pretty much...even while away with his family. And i'm thankful for all the effort you've put in! :)
Also... feeling very extra grateful to my parents.. 21 years ago they took a few minutes to make me.. 20 years ago they spent a few hours waiting for me to arrive.. and for the last 20 years they've been by my side supporting me and loving me unconditionally [and i DO mean unconditionally] Just cuz they're awesome like that. My parents were specially custom made for me! and I for them. LOVE Y'ALL!
Much love to my grandparents and Aunty Agnes for coming down to celebrate with me tonight... and of course crazy props to my mom for whipping together a crazy awesome meal without breaking a sweat. HAHA.
Oh and my dad for contributing to my Shopping in US fund and my mom for my DSLR hahahah! lovelovelove themmm.
My cutest birthday card was from Kez... just seeing her cute baby handwriting made me smile so hard I thought i'd split my face.
The cutest bday present was from TK.. literally gave my heart diabetes!!
Honestly... these past two years i've gotten super depressed the couple of days before my birthday... i dont know why!! I just do. Maybe it's because my hamsters keep dying right around my birthday.. but yeah. odd. ANYWAY. I was depressed... but when the clock struck midnight and i turned 20.. I kinda realized that I had so many things to be thankful for, and practically nothing to be sad about [besides my hamster dying]... SO YES.
I'm just so in love with my playlist for this blog. Seriously. Just makes me feel happy everytime I open it... even though I rarely update these days. ;)
Anyway.
Happiness.
I think it's a choice. [random topic i know]
But i just feel like talking about this.
I feel a little bit dead inside. Maybe not dead, but just doubtful of the good in people, in life. I'm past the stage where I look at a trojan horse, and say OH HEY, I wanna ride that horse! Now I look at horses, and I say WAIT, maybe it's a trojan. You get what I mean?
But you know, when I get too jaded, I break out my nail polish, and I paint. the colors just make me feel better. and when I get too angsty and angry? I work out. I crunch [or attempt to] until I cant walk without wincing for two days. When I get paranoid and insecure, I cry. Hey, dont underestimate the power of a good cry.
Yet at the end of the metaphorical day, you know what? It's all just actions. Funny how actions seem to solve a problem that basically starts in the brain, dontcha think?
I've recently decided to adopt a new strategy to life. Sure, I'm still gonna go around suspecting everything of being Trojan Horses, but here's my new motto.
When you're having a shitty day?
Hold your chin up and say "BRING IT"
Challenge life to bring on the crap.
Cuz when you're going around DARING life to get worse, it somehow doesn't seem so scary and frustrating when it DOES get worse.
Because you know, when you hit rock bottom, there's no way left BUT up...I KNOW I KNOW it's a cliche, but it's oh so true.
I've never hit rock bottom, but countless times I thought I had. Some days I just wanted to make it all just stop. Stop time, as it were, to put it nicely. But then I figured, Time, it brings so much, how could I make it stop? =)
ANYWAY. Getting a lil philosophical here, aren't we?? Must be all the mind-numbing hours Ive just spent staring at numbers. I guess my point is that happiness is elusive, much like how tax laws are to me right now. But it's up to YOU to decide to be happy. It's up to YOU to say, "By GEORGE I'm gonna be happy and I dare you to make me stop!"
Cuz only when you make the effort to do that, only then, will you have the strength to pull yourself out of the dark corner you choose to hide in.
OKAY IVE USED UP MY DEEP-NESS FOR TODAY.
Sorry if I came off cliched... i hate cliches [and sales people but that's a whole other story]... but heck! This post was from my heart, aight?! =P